I remember a story of an old wise
king who asked three young men to fill an empty and dark and big room big as a
ballroom hall with anything they can think of. Anyone who could completely fill
the room would receive half of the kingdom of the King. The first young man
collected and bought wastes and garbage to fill the room but only to find out
that it didn't reach up to the ceiling of the room. The second one brought with
him a truck load of cotton. However, they found out that there was a corner of
the room still empty and not completely filled. And the third one came
presented himself to the king. But the king was wondering because he brought
nothing with him. But this man went into the room and in the middle of this
room he got a match and a candle from his pocket. He lit the candle and put it
down in the middle of the room. As soon as the candle was put down every corner
of the room, from its floor and up to the ceiling was filled with light coming
from the candle. And the king was so amazed of this young man and fulfilled the
king’s promise to give half of the kingdom. And that ends the story.
The
candle in the story has not just filled the room completely but also illumined
the entire empty and dark room. Every corner of the room was exposed and every
part of it was discovered. In this feast of the presentation of the Lord in the
temple, the candle and its light conveys a very deep meaning. Simeon has
proclaimed that the child Jesus is a light to the nations. Jesus the promised
Messiah of Yahweh has come to bring light into this dark room, into the darkest
part of my life.
For
the past illuminating and purifying months and continually at present, I am
seeking and praying for Jesus that he would give light in my life. At the
beginning I have felt afraid and anxious about myself for asking this light
from Jesus because a part of my life is hidden in darkness. That darkness has
even inflicted fear, shame and anxieties on me. And yes, I have realized that I
would always live in fear and shame if ever I would continue to keep that part
of my life hidden in the dark. But, no, I have to be courageous to make myself
free from these painful past incidents. And it takes time for me to light the
candle, to be convinced that God loves me, that Jesus is my savior and my
brother. It takes time to put the candle and its light in the middle of that
dark room where I have hidden some parts of my life. It takes time because I am
afraid of the things that I will see and of the things that I will rediscover
and of the feelings that will only be awakened. And I am afraid to see the
weakest part of my very life. Nevertheless, I have taken the risk to accept
Jesus as my savior, my healer and Lord. It is a risk because I have to put my
trust to him and to those people who help me in illuminating the darkest part
of my life. In that rediscovering, I have come into the realization that that
dark side of my life is not all about Jomil. This dark side which Jesus is
helping me to illumine is actually a single portion of me. There is still a
bigger part of my life that Jomil’s story is also vast, full of fun, adventure,
of happiness, of simplicity and not just of sorrows, of fear, shame and of anger.
Finally, I would like to end this sharing with a part of a poem I composed.
The bars of the past have thickened
They hinder me to see the horizon
Now, they become darker
As the chains filled the cell.
Oh, God help me to light my candle!
It would be the candle of hope.
That may bring me into liberty with
you.
Take all my fears from these chains
Yield me the strength to grasp these
To hold firmly until WE could break
them
That liberty I may attain.
That darkness may not control over me
But could bring the light into the
depth
That I may see the things I fear about
And face them with courage.
So that I may walk freely soon
Together with you, I’ll enjoy the walk
And bring me with you into the talk
That I may give all things I own
And surrender my whole self to you
With a heart free from chains
And with a soul rejoicing in hope.
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